By Richard Asa
WWR Article Summary (tl;dr) It’s hard enough to have a relationship go sour. But when an ex is in a new relationship, the wound can grow deeper and healing may feel impossible. Miami Beach relationship coach Lisa Concepcion suggests a 90-day “detox” to bounce back to life.
Aliya Brown has passed the one-year mark in getting over someone she loved. She hasn’t had contact with her ex in months, and his birthday just passed. Some days are easier than others.
Brown, a graduate student at New York’s Baruch College, says she broke up with her boyfriend thinking that they would get back together, but unbeknownst to her, he was dating and about to enter into an exclusive relationship with a new person.
Brown says she didn’t take the breakup seriously at first.
“I figured she was just a rebound and that he and I would figure things out like old times and get back together. It took a few hard rejections before that change really clicked for me and I completely fell back.”
It’s hard enough to have a relationship go sour. But when an ex is in a new relationship, the wound can grow deeper and healing may feel impossible.
It could be that you’re relieved the ex is in a new relationship if you did the breaking up because your guilt is assuaged and you can feel freer to move on.
More often, however, you’ll feel upset when your ex finds another person, says New York psychiatrist Gail Saltz, author of “The Power of Different.”
“You often feel jealous, finding that someone else wants your ex,” she says. “Suddenly the ex’s value goes up, and you want them back or at least don’t want someone else to have them. You often feel sad because this truly signals that the ex has moved on and you’re not getting back together.”