If you’re single and wondering why, Sara Eckel wants to help. Author of the book “It’s Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You’re Single” (Perigree), Eckel didn’t find her mate until she was 39.
“Before I met my husband, Mark, I was really losing hope,” said Eckel, a freelance writer who has been with her husband for more than eight years (they’ve been married for four). “And once I got through the pain of accepting that I might not ever meet someone, then I sort of relaxed and thought, ‘All right, this is my life and I might as well just enjoy it.’ And I wound up meeting my husband.”
Eckel added that many single people blame their insecurities for their solo state, a belief that society often encourages.
But everybody, married or single, has insecurities, Eckel says. Honestly embracing your flaws will actually help you attract the right mate.
“My husband and I will ask each other on a nearly daily basis, ‘Do you still love me?’ And sometimes it’s followed up with, ‘Are you sure?’ And the thing is we both need the validation to hear the other person loves us,” she said. “If one of us was more secure it would be really annoying. But because we’re both like that, it’s not really a problem.”
The following is an edited version of our conversation.
Q: What theories about being single are out there that you disagree with?
A: I think for women, the idea that being too intimidating or too independent could somehow harm your chances of finding a partner because you are invested in your career, as if we only do one thing at a time in our life. … I always find that idea really odd. Are you supposed to quit your job and go on unemployment and move in with your parents? Does that make you more attractive? I don’t think so.