The Art Of Kind Rejection

By Erika Ettin
Tribune News Service

WWR Article Summary (tl;dr) How do you politely decline a second or third date with someone? The term “ghosting” where a man or woman vanishes after meeting has become a popular term these days. As dating expert Erika Ettin points out, honesty is the best policy NOT “ghosting.” Ettin says, “As I tell my clients, while someone might be disappointed that you don’t have romantic feelings, he or she can’t really be upset with you for having the feelings you do. You just have to share them.”

Tribune News Service

I’ve talked many times about how ghosting is bad. What is ghosting again? It’s simply deciding not to see someone again but not having the courtesy to tell that person. It’s cowardly.

With the use of modern technology, especially texting, it’s almost too easy to think of people as disposable. But remember that people are not things, like the empty dish soap container you no longer need or the movie you had to leave halfway through. People have feelings. For that reason alone, you need to buck up and have an actual, real conversation, whether you’ve been on two dates or 20.

I had this conversation recently with a client of mine in Atlanta. She went out on one date with someone who she decided wasn’t a match for her. He, on the other hand, wanted to see her again. He texted her afterwards. She didn’t answer. He texted again. She again didn’t answer. He then emailed her. She deleted it. She thought he should just “get it.” He didn’t. He put himself out there, and she owed him the courtesy of a response.

All she had to do was kindly, tactfully, and honestly say, “Thanks so much for your note. I had a nice time meeting you, too! Unfortunately, I’m just not feeling that romantic connection and will have to pass on meeting again, but I wish you all the best!” That seems easy, right? Because it is.

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