Dating Deal-Breakers: How Many Is Too Many?

By Erika Ettin
Tribune News Service

WWR Article Summary (tl;dr) Dating expert Erika Ettin suggests creating and living by a few key dating deal breakers. She says most singles have established certain rules when it comes to dating, but they don’t know that they may have too many unnecessary deal breakers that are preventing them from finding a great relationship.

Tribune News Service

How many deal breakers is it appropriate to have when searching online for a partner? One, five, fifteen?

There is no magic number, of course, and Patti Stanger of “The Millionaire Matchmaker” says that five is a good choice… I tend to agree.

If there’s one thing I know from both my own dating experience and from being a dating coach is, 125 is too many!

Where did I get that crazy number, you ask?

A few years ago, a woman posted on a section of a guy’s profile on OkCupid that I’ll just say was pretty restrictive in terms of what he was looking for in a partner. And when I say “pretty restrictive,” I mean ridiculously and obsessively rude and off-putting. Below is just a small sample of his “do not message me if…” section. (For the record, OkCupid has a section called “You should message me if…” This means that this guy “added” this new section to his profile to indicate what he “wasn’t” looking for.)

After reading the entire list, I counted, and I possess 20 of his 125 “don’t message me if” qualities. Most notable were:

-You consider yourself a happy person. (Umm… guilty as charged.)
-You wear uncomfortable clothing and/or shoes for the sake of feminine style. (We all know that women dress for other women!)
-You use the term “foodie.” (I’m a foodie, all right, and I’m not sorry about it. I’m just well fed.)
Even if I did fit everything (which I’m pretty sure no one possibly could), I would be so turned off by the negativity that I wouldn’t want to date him anyway! A question I would pose to him is, “Why do some of these things even matter?”

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