Person To Person: Avoid Getting Pulled Into The Problems Of Others

By Judi Light Hopson, Emma H. Hopson and Ted Hagen
McClatchy-Tribune News Service.

Have you ever gotten tangled up in someone else’s bad luck? Maybe you tried to offer advice and fix a quarrel between two people. Or, have you ever tried to bail someone out of debt?

There are healthy ways to assist others, but many times, we can get into deep trouble trying to help certain people. The rope you toss them, meant to keep them from drowning, winds up around your own neck!

“I keep thinking it’s important to help other people, especially with our economy so rocky,” says a real estate agent we’ll call Pauline. “I’m a grandmother, and I worry a lot about people with small children and grandchildren.”

Pauline confessed to us that she’s given over $10,000 in loans to some of her co-workers. “I’ve dug deep to lend money,” says Pauline, “but now, my husband is very angry with me!”

If you’re the type of person who loves helping, be sure to avoid over-helping. If you sink your own boat to help someone else, this is dangerous for your own survival.

These tips can help:

-Don’t give or lend something you really need. For example, if you’re getting ready to retire, don’t lend your adult child $50,000 from your retirement fund to build a house.

-Examine someone’s character closely. If your neighbor, for instance, has been convicted of a crime, don’t sell the neighbor a car and co-sign the loan for him at the bank. How someone behaves in one area of life indicates how they will behave in another area.

-Help someone find a solution that works well for all concerned. You might, for example, offer to help a friend who is a recovering alcoholic search for a job. Help this person find companies to call, but don’t do all the legwork yourself. Spending time to help someone can be costlier to you in the long run than lending money.

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