OPINION
By Zlati Meyer
Detroit Free Press
WWR Article Summary (tl;dr) Can you put a price on sleep? Of all the possible mother’s day gifts out there, new mom Zlati Meyer (author of this very funny article) says she wants SLEEP! Somehow I bet she is not alone.
Detroit Free Press
Americans are expected to spend $21.4 billion this Mother’s Day with an average of $172.22, according to the National Retail Federation.
RetailMeNot’s research found that 91% of mothers want a gift from their families, and consumers who have both parents in their lives plan to spend 32% more on gifts for Mother’s Day than for Father’s Day presents.
An Ebates analysis determined that among the gifts moms want most are quality time with their families, flowers and brunch.
They’re all wrong.
This is my first Mother’s Day. I’ve been a mom for eight months and already, I can argue with these experts.
I don’t want a bouquet ($29.99). I don’t want chocolate ($14.99-$56.99). I don’t want a spa day ($120).
OK, maybe I want a spa day, but that’s not the point.
I don’t want a chicken dinner ($26.95). I don’t want a blender ($37.99). I don’t want a greeting card. ($3.99)
Heck, I don’t even want him to go to Jared.
What’s the only thing on my Mother’s Day wish list?
Sleep.
To be clear, I don’t mean sleeping pills ($7.99), blackout curtains ($42.99) or a memory-foam mattress ($1,469.99).
Not a white-noise machine ($77.99), lavender-scented linen water ($9.95) or sleepwear (lingerie $39.99 or more realistically, sweatpants $6.99).
I’m referring to just plain old sleep. Like a full night’s sleep. Not having to wake up for feedings. Like a luxurious nap in the middle of the day uninterrupted by cries for a toy.
Most new moms would agree with me on this point.
Unless they have a full-time nanny. In which case, they can go !?I*&%. (See what sleep deprivation does to a person?)
No breakfast in bed for me this morning.
I want the bed. Not the breakfast.
Apologies to all the economists and business minds who worry about boosting retail sales. I have zero interest in worrying about helping the GDP at this time. Mom-preneurs, so dubbed in their publicists’ pitch e-mails to reporters? Not gonna happen. Those hawking the latest whatevers for women can see me in December.
Maybe I can juice the economy by hiring a responsible, experienced CPR- and first aid-trained baby-sitter for the day.
What I pay her for every hour of letting me catch some Z’s can be spent at an area mall. That will help the local economy.
And considering what students charge these days, Aéropostale might be able to come out of bankruptcy.
