Are You Afraid Of Commitment? It’s More Than Just Not Being Ready

By Danielle Braff
Chicago Tribune

WWR Article Summary (tl;dr) Kevin Darne, an Illinois-based relationship expert and author of “My Cat Won’t Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany)” says some people who won’t commit are afraid of going through a potential divorce, losing out financially or experiencing some form of a bait-and-switch in attitude or behavior once there is a legal commitment.

Chicago Tribune

Julia Tarnorutskaya, 35, and her 39-year-old boyfriend have been dating for seven years.

She’s hoping he’ll be ready to move in with her soon, but she doesn’t want to put too much pressure on him, and she’s willing to take their relationship slowly, so that he doesn’t get scared and run.

“I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who is more afraid of commitment or making decisions than him,” said Tarnorutskaya, a pediatric massage therapist who lives in Grayslake, Ill., with her 10-year-old son. She’s been married before, but so far, the seven years that she’s been with her boyfriend have been his longest, most significant relationship yet.

There isn’t a single reason why some people are able to commit after a first date while others take years or even decades to put a ring on it.

But it appears that the percentage of people who aren’t interested in marriage is rising.

Nearly half of adults are married, while a quarter have never been hitched, according to a 2018 Pew Research Center report.

A 2014 Pew survey found that while 53 percent of never-married adults said they’d like to marry, this number is down from 2010, when 61 percent said they’d like to tie the knot. And 32 percent said in the same study that they aren’t sure if they want to get married, while 13 percent said they don’t want to get hitched.

But that doesn’t make it any less frustrating for those who are in relationships with the noncommitters, leaving them to wonder: a) Is it me? b) Will this change? c) Can our relationship survive?

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