By Barton Goldsmith
Tribune News Service
WWR Article Summary (tl;dr) Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist and author of “The Happy Couple: How to Make Happiness a Habit One Little Loving Thing at a Time” shares a few simple tips to keep your relationship healthy and HAPPY!
Tribune News Service
Here are some simple tools you can use to improve your love life. And who doesn’t want a better love life? Just begin to employ these in your relationship, and you will soon see positive changes.
Care: Showing your partner that you care is as simple as opening a door or cooking a meal, but you also have to verbalize it. Some people never say the three little words, and that’s hard on your mate, so find a way to let your loved one know you care. Be there a little more, and create a random act of kindness. It doesn’t take much.
Consideration: Some may think of it as care on steroids. Being considerate means that you go out of your way to make your other half feel that he or she is loved. And when you go out of your way, your actions will speak louder than words. That being said…
Communication: A willingness and desire for communication is paramount to any successful relationship. Truly, it is the most important thing. Given that we have so many ways to communicate in our techno world, there is no excuse for not talking it out with your partner. Voices are better than texts, but take what you can get. If you are tweaked about something, get it out and on the table.
Compromise: An ability to reach a compromise is such a valuable tool in your relationship. If you go in thinking you need to have it all your way, nothing will please you. Life just isn’t like that. By working toward a compromise, you will keep tempers from rising, and while you may not get all that you want, you’ll get what you need. And that’s the way it should be.
Confidence: We need to know that our relationship is safe and that our partner loves us. This is in our DNA. Without a sense of belonging, you cannot grow and prosper, and your desires will always be elusive. Threatening your relationship when you are having an argument is unfair. Instead, show confidence in what you have. Realize that you can disagree without being disagreeable.
Comfort: It is easier than you think to make your partner feel uncomfortable, and sometimes we do it unknowingly. If you’re a little upset, and you carry that around with you, it will come out in your tone, attitude, and actions, and it will make your loved one uncomfortable. Stop punishing each other, and express your love instead. Do all that you can to give each other a comfortable life. Time is too precious to waste feeling bad because your other half is mad at you.
Cherishing: To feel cherished, that you are the most important person in your mate’s life, will keep the two of you close, because you are valued and validated by each other. Knowing that your partner thinks the world of you can give you tremendous strength.
Cheerleading: Having a good cheerleader (or yell-king) by your side when the chips are down or gone can help you deal with any problem and get back on our feet. Life is easier when your partner lifts you up and tells you that you can reach your goals, and you are much more likely to have a better relationship, because you feel you deserve it.
If any of these qualities are missing from your relationship, work on adding or restoring them. Employ these simple ideas, and your love life will be much more fulfilling.
(Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist in Westlake Village, Calif., is the author of “The Happy Couple: How to Make Happiness a Habit One Little Loving Thing at a Time.”)